Protocol Consultants International

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Most people don't intend to be rude at the dinner table, in meetings, at social gatherings, on dates, however, rampant use of cell phones has become a habit. In fact, for many, cell/IT devices are considered an addiction.  90% of all Americans own a cell phone and 29% say they can't imagine life without them.

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Lying has long been known as one of our less venerable characteristics to the extent where Moses deemed the habit "tablet worthy" and it landed spot #8 on the Ten Commandments. 

Think about it:  how many of us have called in sick to work when we weren't?  (58% more common around major sporting events) … whether you are extending an insincere compliment or making an excuse to get out of going to lunch, telling lies is insidious.     

Lying is incredibly common in business across the board - - Dodd-Frank was passed because there was so much lying on financial statements by CEOs. 

Sad to say, some of the best leaders are liars. Think of Steve Jobs' (reality distortion) and Larry Ellison's proclivity to proclaim a product was available when it wasn't—("vaporware!") 

Although lying occurs at the highest levels, there are consequences…some feel they will never get caught, but they do!

Bernie Madoff, Richard Nixon (lied to himself) "I am not a crook!" Bill Clinton, Elliott  Spitzer, Mark Sanford and Arnold Schwarzenegger come to mind. 

Remember:

• a story repeated often enough becomes undistinguishable.
• we are great at self-deception!
• today, automated systems can track lies and cover-ups

Lying truths:

• can compromise credibility, integrity, trust and damage relationships/reputations, kill careers.
• about small things begs the question, what else might you lie about? 

Top reasons for lying:

• closing a deal
• appeasing customers
• covering up - mistakes/failed projects
• covering up - for another employee
• explaining tardiness and absence
• denying knowledge of an event/situation
• keeping the peace
• fearing consequences

Remember, when you lie, the lie not only needs to be believable, but proven and then remembered!

When you lie you invariably end up dancing.  Therefore, be prepared to put on the dancing shoes because that’s what invariably happens.

Telling the truth may be harder in the beginning, but in the long run it is the right thing.

• requires less energy
• builds character.
• means you don’t have to worry about being caught (in a lie)
• you won’t have to tell more (cover up) lies

nor carry the burden of deception

It’s much harder to take an ethical stand and insist on honesty. 

The bottom line:  your reputation as an ethical person is central to professional success; word travels quickly.

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Conversations are the source of energy that have the power to release transformational thoughts – (products and goods) into the world. Conversations are the golden threads that enable us to move forward and trust others. It is through conversation that we communicate and ultimately, connect. Conversation is integral to the health and productivity of a company culture.

Please read my review of Judith Glaser’s new book, Conversational Intelligence.

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Sending a thank-you note is still relevant in the working world, especially in the interview.

Get more tips on How to Stand Apart @ Work in my article in Forbes.

Forbes article

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We are pleased to announce our April newsletter in which we share timely tips on handshaking, as well thoughts on how to effectively use of humor to diffuse volatile situations. We also provide insights into the hot topic of Conversational Intelligence.

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The philosopher in me has been called out.

Challenges

Challenges are inherent in life. Some of life’s most triumphant moments are shaped in the face of adversity. While some believe challenges are a curse,  Elizabeth Kubler Ross feels, "If you shield the mountain from the windstorms, you'll never see the beauty of the carvings."

Like the mountains, we all experience different stages of gradation; we shift and we change, and with each challenge lies opportunity to make choices which  form our  values, determine our character and shape our destiny.  The windstorms of our lives serve as opportunities to enhance our confidence.  Once we learn how to confidently navigate the shifting landscape, we can bravely traverse the challenging terrain.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."

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While we may live in the moment we must not lose sight of the fact that in order to be fully effective we need to be fully present in the moment with other people. The way we conduct ourselves every day, and the way we treat others is noticed and judged. In fact, others notice more when what we are doing is NOT right.

Story

I recently saw the Calvalia performance of Odyesso in Boston. The show features among other things, 58 male horses including Lipizzon stallions, Apolossas, and more. There was one beautifully choreographed vignette where teams of three and four magnificent horses were parading in unison around the stage in a figure-eight, with women standing, - one foot on each horse - quite a feat! The symmetry and artistry were flawless and the riders were perfectly in sync. This scene was stately, majestic, captivating. However, through all of this pageantry, I noticed one horse off to the left who would not conform. One horse decided to lie down, put his head on the sand on stage and watch his comrade horses perform. Soon, all audience eyes were on the one horse who would not perform, who was not doing it right. Hence, during this masterful and magnificent scene, the audience was actually laughing! As it turns out, this was not an arbitrary act of fate but in fact, part of a well-thought out well-choreographed performance. Producers chose to capitalize on the fact that we all do notice when others don't do it right and played the audience to work right into this scene.

We can learn from this exploit! First Impressions are lasting. Remember, 'the world's a stage' and this is not the dress rehearsal. Shakespeare says, "You need to know the rules before you can play the game." The game is life and it's true, "you never get a second chance to make a great First Impression!"

Nuances matter and 'perception is reality!' It's still all about People! How we conduct ourselves form the first handshake and the first "hello" helps determine the depth and direction of a future relationship and personal rapport. Getting it right the first time cannot be over-stated. When we demonstrate more respect, listen more attentively, communicate more effectively we are more resilient and flexible in a world where others notice, - a positive reflection on us. Demonstrating respect and consideration goes a long way in terms of advancing relationships and distinguishing ourselves from fierce global business competition which is the rule today.

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Rudeness in the workplace is on the rise.  According to a recent study* 96% of employees surveyed said they experience rudeness at work. Rudeness also incurs tangible costs to businesses including: 

• lost work time worrying about the incident (80%)
• declining commitment to the organization (78%)
• decline in work performance (66%)
• … and more.

Fact: people choose how they conduct themselves.  

Question:  Are we choosing rudeness as a lifestyle? 

I think not.  We are inherently a compassionate society with the good and sensitive side of our humanity far outweighing the negative.   We all say, and do things without thinking and then we become comfortable and ultimately, set in our ways.  Let these studies and (this) article(!) serve to create awareness of the way others’ actions are being perceived.

The good news is, we are noticing, and more importantly, calling others on it to let them know:

• rude conduct is not acceptable
• we reject uncivilized behavior
• we are taking a stand against rude behavior

NOT responding would be far worse.

*(Ref.: Georgetown University and Thunderbird School of Management study.)

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The recent query and controversy regarding Drew Breese ($3 tip on a $74 order) for take-out) prompts the question: To tip or not to tip counter staff for takeout orders in restaurants with dining rooms.

Answer: It is not necessary to tip staff at fast food or an exclusively take-out restaurant because the service is included in the price. Tipping for take-out orders in restaurants with dining rooms to acknowledge the effort in creating an enjoyable meal (especially where extras/exceptions have been requested) is appropriate. Tipping is a way of saying "thank you" in the ways that matter. Tipping is appropriate when counter staff make extra efforts or are especially pleasant and help make your take-out experience and maybe even your day(!) more pleasant. When counter staff display small, simple courtesies such as using your name, making conversation, ... are pleasant (!) and respectful..., etc. this is appreciated and should be duly acknowledged... in the ways that matter.

Insuring Prompt Service also suggests pleasant service and being polite, friendly, respectful and efficient when interacting with customers from the time an order is placed to the time the order is handed to them, is all part of the service.

Whenever a customer wants to tip, regardless of the amount they are recognizing efforts to create an enjoyable meal which is appreciated. The $3 tip technically, was not even required from Mr. Breese who was making a gesture.

 In this recent very public blunder by the restaurant, it is refreshing to see that they took responsibility for the error. Read the manager's statement from the Del Mar Rendezvous Restaurant here.

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I am ever so thankful for the friendships and business relationships I have made over the years. Thanksgiving Day is when many of us share food and give thanks for the blessing in our lives. I am honoured and privileged to work with so many fine people, and I ask that we all take time to give Thanks for what we have, and be as Kind and Giving as we can.

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Sometimes a charity really resonates with me, and I feel compelled to share my excitement with friends and clients. The mission of Caritas Smile is to INSPIRE, EDUCATE, EMPOWER and instill a sense of BELIEF to Women and Children in need. It is my hope that you will consider this organization for a charitable gift in 2012.

One was to support Caritas Smile is to attend their 2nd Annual All White Masquerade Ball on November 10 in Downtown Providence at the Marriot. Tickets are available for $75, and you can order them on their website.

If you cannot attend an event in Rhode Island, please visit their website and consider donating through their Support the Happiness Movement link.

Thank you for your kind attention, and thank you for anything that you can do to support this worthy casue.

Please visit Caritas Smile

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