Protocol Consultants International
Navigating the Zoom Business Meeting
by Judith Bowman on 05/28/20
We have been tossed into a new way of doing business on so many fronts, the biggest of which is probably video conferencing. Whether you use Zoom, Microsoft Teams, Skype for Business, Cisco Webex, Go To Meeting, or any of the other services, the same rules will apply. Please enjoy our featured article this month on navigating this technology.
The face-to-face, time-honored, traditional business meeting remains an integral art of the business landscape today and endures as the singular most effective means of collaborating, connecting, relating and bonding with others. Invasion of the global pandemic has triggered the embrace of virtual channels to support our communications needs and maintain a business presence. As a result, Zoom has soared to prominence. Uncommon attention is now being quite commonly bestowed upon this previously less familiar virtual communication medium which comes with its own set of guidelines governing behavior which interestingly, closely parallels rules president over regular one-on-one business meetings... only on steroids. Simply stated, using Zoom means working harder. Therefore, preparation for a Zoom call should be both tactical and strategic. And remember, Perception IS reality!
While one need not worry about such things as “clammy hands” ... (the kiss of death!) ... accepting gestures of hospitality or “coffee breath” ... one’s very presence on zoom is discerning. Remember, your appearance e.g. the visual aspect - is 55% of your message and includes grooming, attire, backdrop – (real or faux), body language, NRF, gestures, etc., and your voice e.g. the verbal aspect is 38% of your message. This includes words you choose, tone and tonal quality, pausing, the “non words,” isms and more ... Attention to energy, enthusiasm, sincerity and demeanor in cultivating your own personal style should be carefully considered, as should inadvertent displays of boredom, disinterest, pre-occupation, etc., all of which are being piercingly broadcast contemporaneously. The good news is: you can control the information you convey as you preside at your post. Preparation, execution and appearance for your virtual call are essential. When you are well-prepared and equipped to negotiate, ready to counter and respond to any possible objection, glitch or question this is positively noticed and yes, judged. (Interestingly, other countries place much more emphasis on pre-planning for the objective of having only one meeting in order to emerge victoriously. There is much we can learn from our cross-cultural neighbors.)
Staging A Background. Performers do it, broadcasters do it … Presidents of companies and countries do it… Make it your practice to stage a professional background with your audience in mind. Your surroundings are subject to scrutiny and say as much about you as the points you are making. A sterile kitchen backdrop with spartan countertops tells one story while an office or neutral background showing books, awards, trophies, pictures of your children or perhaps a picture your child drew, tells another. Your background provides colleagues with the opportunity to learn some personal information about you while also serving as fodder for small talk – a really inappropriate expression for what should be called “big talk” or really important talk because it is the ice-breaker which helps break the ice and advances conversation to ignite the trust factor – integral to building interpersonal relationships. Decide what personal information you want to broadcast.
Preparation:
- alert others in your household to your call. Ask for their respectful consideration and this will be reciprocated. If babies crying, dogs barking, doors slamming are unavoidable, alert hosts in advance. That said, attention to ring tones, music, etc., are within your control. Be sure to silence these.
- adjust lighting to optimize your visual e.g. position light from either below your face or from the sides. Your face should be eye-level to the camera lens.
- Exude positive energy and have a pleasant, positive, inviting facial demeanor (contagious!) Keep lips slightly apart and UP (use a mirror.)
Onscreen Attire. What you wear speaks volumes about you. Know your audience and dress for this audience knowing they look up to you as the consummate professional in your field. Bright colors, busy patterns, big bangles and dangles (ladies) distract and detract from your message. Neutrals or muted colors are “never wrong” ... Business casual is “fine” versus business professional which is “never wrong.”
Remember: 90% of Success is “Showing Up!” That places a huge emphasis on what you do once you are on this Zoom call. Contribute! Consider your questions and contributions and deliver with confidence. Repeat key questions or comments. Use collective phrasing: “Are we in agreement?”
Top Tips: Treat the lens like a person and look into the camera to make virtual eye-contact, ignite trust and advance relationships. Endeavor to be fully present. Listen and look interested, even if you are not. Practice, use and properly pronounce names. Sit or stand – for the duration. Use an uncomfortable chair which will help you look more alert and professional. Good posture and sitting focused forward toward the camera implies heightened interest level, attentiveness and professionalism. Leaning backward into your big over-stuffed chair casts the appearance of being way too comfortable, relaxed, unprofessional. Hands/forearms - as with the one-on-one meeting: belong quieted on the desk showing that you are aboveboard, trustworthy (not “underhanded.)
Gestures: use selective and neutral gestures when you speak e.g. open palm, two finger wave, thumb over fist, if at all. Refrain from fidgeting, multitasking or over-gesturing. Avoid eating, gum chewing, yawning, touching or resting face on hands, slouching, overt itching/scratching. And remember: regarding any bodily function – including coughing, sneezing, drinking (use a straw ladies!) ... Away!... from the lens.
Hosts: take the lead. Introduce versus announce those present. Individuals should acknowledge themselves as introduced via the two-finger waive, slight head-tile or the “half-stand” to help others make associations. To defer to the next person say: “And now we will hear from Judy Jones. Welcome, Judy. Thank you for joining us today.” Vs. “Over to you, Judy,” or “Take it away!” (tacky.)
*Remember a virtual Happy hour is still a meeting.
In Conclusion
Over 78% of employees now working remotely. There exists a terrific opportunity to lead - in a balanced way e.g. people and profit to meet and exceed expectations. Many companies are finding that they can be virtually effective and, in so doing, eliminate costly office rents, cafeterias, workout facilities and more. Moreover, employees who hone new skills will be seen as true emerging leaders and exceptional. With an almost 30% unemployment rate, competition for coveted jobs has never been more fierce.
Interviewers ideally want to meet candidates face-to-face before hiring, according to Johnny Taylor, Jr., president and CEO of SHRM. This assertion heightens our own mantra that, despite all the amazing high technological advances, “It’s all about people.” Therefore, being “seen” and “well-met” virtually is critical. Zoom is proving itself to be an attractive alternative for hiring and conducting business. Therefore, getting it right the first time cannot be over-stated. It’s not about the technology. It's about People mastering the technology to make organizations run most efficiently. Remember: people run the organization. We can be more impactful and truly help people perform better to make this world better. The future is ours. “Better workplace; better world.” (Ref. SHRM.)
Respectfully yours,
Judith Bowman
The Silver Lining
by Judith Bowman on 05/05/20
We remain ever-grateful to physicians and health professionals, first responders, front line workers, companies and corporations, friends, neighbors and perfect strangers for their swift and decisive actions, tireless efforts, countless updates and generous spirit. And to those who have unconditionally extended themselves ... as well as those who have remained confined and duly quarantined to help us get through this “never before” pandemic that has brazenly descended upon us crippling our world economy, compromising health, lives and quality of life, we thank you.
Although the American economy has been provisionally incapacitated and countless lives and livelihoods continue to be lost, we are so fortunate that our government has stepped up like never before to offer financial assistance and relief to so many small companies and individuals.
Silver Lining. Our formerly notorious fast-paced frenetic life/style and demanding routines have come to an abrupt halt. They say, that out of every tragedy comes renewed strength and rectitude. The good news: the destructive, insidious pandemic aimed at destroying us is actually bringing our society closer together and enabling us to re-assess the quality of our lives. After so much suffering and devastating loss of health, loved ones, jobs and entire businesses, we are going through a metamorphosis of sorts, gaining a new appreciation and respect for time and possibly, life itself. Re-examining how we spend our time, reevaluating priorities, purpose and life-plans abound.
This pause is helping us reclaim our sense of life-balance and perhaps even some of our souls. As the virus persists and people are homebound, the formerly elusive concept of work/life balance is being unearthed and may actually be attainable. We cherish and celebrate the new-found gift that time affords specifically as it pertains to enriching relationships with family, friends and loved ones, once an anomaly. Slowing down also helps alleviate stress which triggers and exacerbates many of life’s illnesses including heart attacks.
We are reading more, exercising, meditating, cooking, singing, fashioning new hobbies, creating new businesses and re-shaping daily routines; connecting/reconnecting and reaching out to perfect strangers is rampant. Air pollution and related health problems, especially respiratory issues ... are down. Theft, murder, crime, bulling, road-rage, complaints, lawsuits, traffic jams and gas prices ... are all down. We are taking better care of our own health and perhaps more sensitive to the fragility of loved ones’ physical and mental states. And, who among us has not relished NOT sitting in traffic jams and dashing to the next appointment?
Timeless Cultural Traditions Are Changing
To Americans living in Monochronic Time, the emphasis has always been “ time is money.” Our North American Low-Context cultural mind-set notably encourages individual achievement... the “ I” “ me” and “ mine” mentality has prevailed. We now appear to be borrowing a page from our High Context Cross-Cultural neighbors who embrace collective achievement, collaborative mentality, “team” spirit, family, community, syncopated time, etc.
The vile viral war is a game-changer, only reinforcing American exceptionalism. Going forward, new protocols governing behavior, hygiene and social distancing are forthcoming. Moreover, measured words and matching actions when interacting with others is not a nicety, but rather an obligation.
Immediate considerations:
Handshaking - formerly the universal sign of greeting, saying farewell, promise or sealing a bargain is in abeyance, for now.
Bowing – a custom stemming from High-Context cultures such as China and Japan may well become the new world-wide universal standard of greeting. Remember: the three levels of bow: the 15%, 35% and 50% angle: the elder (socially) or more senior (professionally) the other person, the lower the bow. Typically in business, executives meet “level to level.” Note: as opposed to idioms in Japan, great attention to eye-contact is imperative!!
Personal Space – once a cross-cultural issue now follows Social Distancing protocols, also in the global spotlight. Historically, where one arm’s length of distance has typically been the appropriate comfort zone for those in North America, the British typically prefer two arm’s length of distance for their comfort zone while those in High Context Cultures e.g. China and Japan prefer more like three arm’s length of distance. Interestingly, the 6’ -medically-recommended social-distancing protocol is approximately three arm’s length distance.
In Conclusion
As Americans adjust to a ‘New Normal’ we are learning new ways to communicate, acknowledge others and respect boundaries of personal space. Respectful Behavior today is no longer an option but rather, a requirement. Making conscious choices involving core tenets of caring, consideration, sensitivity and elan is everyone’s responsibility because our actions critically affect others.
They say, “When a dove flaps its wings in China, the wind currents shift for thousands of miles across mountains and seas,” … which is just a poetic way of saying that everything we do has a ripple effect and that we are all interconnected. We here in North America have felt the ripple effects and have responsibility to fiercely guard and protect our free society and look out for each other and future generations.
In today’s chilling Covid-viral world, boundaries - and promises - once taken for granted have been broken. Going forward we realize that we can take nothing for granted. Entering yet another stage imminently filled with challenge, our commitment to helping our Country function again - - economically and health-wise - - for ourselves, our families and future generations has only been reinforced; re-energized. American exceptionalism cannot be under-valued or over-stated.
Remember, “everything we do - - and say has a ripple effect - - as we are all interconnected. - We can’t take anyone or anything for granted, especially each other.
Respectfully yours,
Judith Bowman
The New Normal
by Judith Bowman on 04/03/20
We hope this note finds you healthy, safe and remaining positive as we all adjust to the “new normal” socially and in business with the historic pandemic that has besieged our country and populations around the globe. We are quickly learning new prescribed practices and procedures in everything from forms of address ...e.g. no more handshaking (!) – to personal space ... social distancing (!) ...to personal hygiene – cleanse often (!) and forms of communicating e.g. virtually ... in order to prudently connect
The sobering reality of our uncertain health crisis is showcased by unmatched American resolve, generosity and resilience. Assuming a positive mental attitude ... even though you may not be feelin’ it (!) is critical.
Moreover, the formerly scarce and ever- elusive aspect of time... “never enough” for us here in America - is surprisingly abundant. During this turbulent time, being more vigilant in our own healthcare is essential. Simple things such as exercise, meditation, reading, resting, healthy eating, perhaps finding a new hobby or business ...and rekindling sense of self has virtue.
The unexpected luxury of time - - away from the keyboard has freed us to be more “present” with those around us ... even our beloved pets no doubt feel this benefit! Conversely, re-harnessing newfound time mining the web or countless social media platforms with intentional outreach in a more meaningful and authentic way is unmistakable. Selfless acts of kindness and coming together is trending!
Communicating and staying connected via the telephone, virtual meetings and video-conferencing is the new normal – socially and in business. Remember, the words we use matter.
Words Define Us
Words are powerful and define us. Be aware of the words you use... some words you can never take back. Words are the conduit to the “I am” phrase. Those words you say, that leave your mouth and go into your ears are what you hear about your self. These words alter self-image, feelings and, your course. If we hear it, we think it, our brain believes it and we act on it. Like an echo, whatever words you put out will come back to you.
Whatever follows “I am …. (i.e. depressed, fearful, tired, bored, etc.) will come back looking for you. When I say; “I am so tired,” I actually get more and more tired. Similarly, if you speak words of defeat and lack and are constantly talking about negativity, e.g. how bad the virus is, … you hate your job, your own words will pave the way for failure, defeat, lack. To this end and to change course, you need not say anything so dramatically opposite as “I feel fabulous” (when you don’t) rather, “I am looking forward to getting my second wind” or “I will be refreshed soon” … will work.
When we speak and thereby hear the words e.g. “I am … healthy, confident, talented, valuable, disciplined” we invite the essence of those qualities in. We can create that which we speak. Use positive words to create your own mindset and destiny and at the same time, be mindful of the opportunity at hand to positively influence, motivate and encourage others - including your virtual team. Listen to their internal language and dialogue then make constructive suggestions.
Consider this notable example at Disney stores worldwide: callers are bid adieu with the words, “have a magical day!” In addition, this model company uses code words e.g. good buyers are called “Guests” and potential trouble-makers or shoplifters are called “Customers.” This is helpful when staff need to point out someone to the store manager or security guard. They simply say, “A customer here needs help!” referring to the potentially problematic person.
Words have meaning, convey mood, signal actions and evoke emotion. The words we speak arouse reaction and can be effectively used to improve attitudes, others’ days ... and even lives! Endeavor to choose words intentionally when speaking, writing, texting, training - not only with management, staff and clients but peers, friends, neighbors, family and perfect strangers every day.
In Conclusion
Although we cannot change others, each of us has the ability to change ourselves. We have a responsibility to model appropriate language and behavior and lead by example. Americans have historically answered every call to action when the country’s well-being has been at stake. As we are diverted from our normal routines we must surely put partisan politics aside and continue to come together. As we practice and calibrate new communication approaches perhaps we could consider choosing more measured words to help restore emotional health and well-being, civility, respect and unity to our country.
We gratefully acknowledge the swift and decisive actions by our government leaders, physicians and health professionals, companies and corporations, friends, neighbors and perfect strangers and thank them for their prompt and tireless efforts, updates and generous spirit. They say, ‘out of every tragedy comes new strength.’ During this very challenging era in American history, we have a chance to not only heal the wounded and win the viral war but reinforce American exceptionalism merely by choosing more measured words and matching those words with actions.
Presentation Skills - POST
by Judith Bowman on 03/25/20
This is the third in a series of three articles dedicated to the topic of Presentation Skills.
Endeavor to conclude within the designated timeframe. Doing so demonstrates respect for your audience and their time, and also eliminates the possibility of being placed in the ungainly position of having to apologize for running over-time. Concluding within the allotted interval speaks to your credibility, and is extremely important toward achieving your end-goal of advancing trust.
Return to the focal point of the stage. Unearth all of the graciousness and sincerity displayed during the opening of your presentation. Make targeted eye-contact with as many individuals in the audience as possible to once again establish and reinforce connection. Re-state your purpose and be prepared to give a one-sentence capsule of your key message. In so doing, you end as persuasively and authoritatively as when you began and now, bring it all together. Make your conclusion the beginning of what is next for your audience. Give them the action step they need to take it to the succeeding level. Also, just as you conveyed individual acknowledgements in your opening, do so again now in your conclusion. Thank (name) your esteemed host, audience, recognized sponsors (ABC) and make eye-contact with each as you salute them.
Bowing. Graciously accept applause or a standing ovation and ... bow. Yes, bow. So few people do these days that the time-honored practice of bowing is an easy and elegant way to demonstrate respect toward your audience, show yourself as a professional and stand apart. Bowing is observed and especially respected in High Context Cultures such as China and Japan. There are three levels of bow: the 15% angle, 35% angle and a 50% angle. Bowing at the lowest (50%) angle demonstrates the highest level of respect and appreciation and shows that you truly honor your audience and value their confirmation.
Handling People In-Line. As you endeavor to meet, greet and have dialogue with those standing in-line, be certain to artfully acknowledge these individuals. Remember, they are going out of their way for time with you. Return the flattering effort with an ever-so-brief courteous acknowledgement such as eye-contact, a head-nod or the two-finger wave. Be diligent and avant soif not to slight the person with whom you are speaking. Promptly return your utmost attention to be "fully present."
Accepting Compliments. Accept compliments graciously! Our noted tendency is to push compliments away ... and to belittle the compliment is to belittle the person offering the gesture. Simply say, "Thank you!" And remember, "never accept a compliment without returning one." For example: "Thank you! I'm sure I could learn a lot from you, too!"
*Ask facilitators in advance if you may provide a sign-up sheet to collect attendee contact information. This is an efficient way to help facilitate your own follow-up and expand your database with qualified individuals.
Return to the door to personally thank each person for coming, just as you would a guest in your own home. Thank them for their participation and personalize the conversation with specific references whenever possible. Shake hands with each of course, and use names.
Thank your host for inviting you and send a quick email note of thanks within 24 to 48 hours. Also send a hand-written note on your personal, quality stationery. (Be sure your note arrives before your invoice!) Write a note to each relevant person who helped coordinate and facilitate your presentation, remembering an accolade letter to the Hotel/host venue's GM.
In Conclusion
The true essence of the holidays is not only being with friends and family, but also celebrating them in our lives. Amid astonishing high technological advances and global and cultural influences, a marked disparity and irrational dysfunction in our culture today has evolved. Despite noted differences and personal beliefs which should be celebrated, our values and way of life needs to be preserved and respected at all costs.
Opinions in matters pertaining to education, politics, religion, border security, the environment, government, big business, taxes, tariffs, women's rights, birth rights, death rights and more, matter. We traditionally pause to reflect in the Holiday Season. And, as we look ahead to the New Year, one which bodes full of challenge and promise, I hope and pray that as our differences persist, civilized conduct and respectful behavior will percolate among us and permeate our homes and workplaces, schools and playgrounds. Make a conscious effort to listen respectfully, keep an open mind and think before you speak. This takes effort and forethought. Please remember the Golden Rule. Speak to and treat others the way in which you yourself would like to be spoken and treated.
I believe in us as a Country and celebrate you, as individuals. I remain grateful for our many years of friendship and our sustained association. Thank you for continuing to enrich me as a person and challenge me as a professional. I value and honor your support of our important work which is more important and direly needed now today, more than ever before.
Presentation Skills - DURING
by Judith Bowman on 12/19/19
This is the second in a series of three (3) PCI Newsletters dedicated to the topic of Presentation Skills.
DURING
This time presents the opportunity for your audience to become acquainted and comfortable with you, and you with them. Assume the Professional Stance and be conscious of exuding a pleasant facial expression. While they are viewing you, look out at your audience and endeavor to make eye-contact with each person starting at the farthest point of the room and work your way IN. Be inclusive, making each person sense being acknowledged versus feeling like they are one of many in a crowded room. Your audience will instantly intuit the overture to understand that you are truly speaking with (versus talking to) - - or worse - AT them. This practice is key and helps advance bonding.
- extend sincere "thank you's" and "welcome" remarks. Do not rush through these. This is not just a segue into your presentation, these acknowledgements are important unto themselves as they speak to your sincerity.
- Walk away from the podium and dismount the stage (barrier.)
- use your bearing to help break (down) barriers and connect, as you walk and weave through and among your audience. A stiff frame and perfectly correct posture can make you appear rigid and off-putting, even aloof. Bend at the waist, ever so slightly and lean IN toward them.
- Gesturing - conveys or betrays emotion. Selective gesturing is an art. Over-gesturing is distracting and will kill your presentation.
- Pointing - jamais! - Use two fingers, an open palm (shows you are open) or thumb over fist.
Power Points:
Stand to the left of your visual aids (as the audience views you) when referencing support material. Remember, we read from left to right. You want the primary focus to be you, not your support material.
While technical wizardry may be appropriate in a technical field, animated graphics and other fireworks can be downright distracting. Consider going in the opposite direction. While other presenters are using the latest and greatest software, consider professionally designed boards or use a jumbo-sized flip chart and hand-write points using colorful markers. Remember that colors have significance!
Top Tips:
- No more than 3 bullets per view.
- Less is more.
- Own your material.
- Refer selectively to power points.
- Ensure that their view includes you.
- Refer to slides selectively. Reading word for word is not only insulting to your audience's intelligence, it diminishes your powerful impact.
Voice is 38% of your entire presentation therefore, projecting a clear strong voice is critical. Practice cultivating your voice. Tonal quality, diction, pace, inflections, grammar, pregnant pauses and the non-words (um, like, you know) should be considered.
Speak from your core. Pre-plan where you will begin building up to your crescendo. Let your audience hear your conviction and feel your passion ... if you are not passionate about your message, how do you expect your audience to buy-in? Use your facial muscles and body language to match your message and emphasize key words to make your point.
Pausing:
Those "pregnant pauses" are highly effective and several things occur almost simultaneously.
Pausing:
- serves to instantly induce your audience's attention.
- lets your audience process your message.
- permits you time to breathe, sending oxygen to the brain and provides energy for the next sentence.
- lets you formulate and articulate your next thought.
Silence
... IS Golden and actually draws people in. Silence is also tantamount to whispering. When we lower our voice, others are, by nature, drawn to what is being said.
Note: Dead silences can be "deafening" and may make others anxious.
*Avoid use of the "non-words" (um, er, you know, like) to fill in silent gaps.
Eye-contact
Too much or too little - can invite or limit potential connections. Be aware of the power eye-contact holds.
- Looking up: the perception is "heaven help me."
- Looking sideways: suggests you are "shifty."
- Looking down and pausing again before completing your thought implies that you are a thoughtful person and this is a highly effective technique.
Nuances
Turning Your Back on Your Audience
If you must turn, acknowledge the slight and say, "Please excuse my back."
Pointing: Use:
- a laser light
- the first two fingers together (index and third fingers),
- the open hand or
- thumb over fist
Nuances
Storytelling: Ask, "May I share a story with you?"
Say, "I believe," or "I feel," which are stronger than "I think" and carry more conviction.
Use collaborative language such as "we," "us" and "let's" which is inclusive and helps to foster relationships (versus "I," "me" and "mine.)"
Say, "thank you for that question" versus, "That's a great question," which implied grading or rating in some way.
4th Annual “Massachusetts Day of Civility” – Make Someone Else’s Day!
by Judith Bowman on 11/19/19
PLYMOUTH, MA - Governor Charlie Baker has issued a proclamation naming Saturday, November 23rd, 2019 "Massachusetts Day of Civility." The day, recommended by the National Civility Foundation, will be the third official day of its kind in the Commonwealth. According to Judith Bowman, Executive Director of the National Civility Foundation, the Proclamation will be read during Opening Ceremonies of The Thanksgiving Day Parade, Plymouth, Massachusetts, which commences at 10:00 a.m.
"The purpose of designating Day of Civility," Ms. Bowman said, "is to have every person in every family, every company ... consciously perform a random act of kindness." She goes on to say, "Day of Civility is timely given our coarse global climate and particularly fitting as we enter the Thanksgiving holiday season." Ms. Bowman further asserts, "Thanksgiving is the time when families, friends, new friends and even random new people in our lives will come together and acknowledge those who have touched our lives and lifted our spirits by a thoughtful, simple random act of kindness."
Please join Governor Baker of Massachusetts and Governor Tom Wolfe of Pennsylvania, who has also issued a Proclamation for Pennsylvania Day of Civility, to create awareness, encourage participation and lead by example by performing a random act of kindness, and “Make Someone Else’s Day!”
"It is our great hope that by promoting the intentional practice of thoughtful personal interactions with others in our daily lives that we will bring civility, respect and socialization to the forefront and the next level in our great state."
Underwriting for the event has been provided by WCVB-TV Channel 5, Beasley Media Group, Babson College - The Lewis Institute for Social Entrepreneurship, Babson College, Net Impact Group, Babson College, Up with People, Conant Leadership Group, Northeast Human Resources Association (NEHRA), Cape Cod Healthcare, Wendy's franchises operators on Cape Cod. This year, ClearChannel Outdoor joins the sponsor list and will provide electronic billboards throughout the state to the foundation.
Along with Ms. Bowman, members of the NCF's board of directors include Rosanne Thomas, founder and president of Protocol Advisors, Inc., Jacquelyn Youst, founder and president of Pennsylvania Academy of Protocol, Linda Apsey, founder and general partner of Linda Connect, broker/owner of Signature Real Estate of Cape Cod, president and founder, Resource Partnerships Consulting, president and founder, Beacon International, Executive Search; Maureen O’Leary is a results-oriented management executive in the areas of fundraising, strategic planning, marketing, public relations, sports marketing, branding, sponsorship; Candy O’Terry is the creator of the weekly podcast series The Story Behind Her Success, the legendary Exceptional Women radio show, 16 Life Lessons, and the new podcast series Sheroes & Heroes. The President & Co-Founder of Boston Women in Media & Entertainment, Candy is the recipient of 48 local and national awards for excellence in women’s programming.
*Submit your Random Act of Kindness, and if it is among the first 25 selected to be posted on our "Share" page, you will receive a signed copy of "Excuse Me" by Rosanne Thomas and “New Rules of Business Etiquette” by Judith Bowman.
The National Civility Foundation was formed in March of 2016 and is a 501(c)3 status with the IRS. Contributions can be made to the National Civility Foundation, 100 Long Pond Road, #1368, Plymouth, MA 02362 or through their website at www.nationalcivilityfoundation.org/support. Donors can deduct contributions under the Internal Revenue Code (IRC) Section 170. The NCF is qualified to receive tax deductible bequests, devises, transfers or gifts under Section 2055, 21106, or 2522.
Presentation Skills - PRE
by Judith Bowman on 11/01/19
Presentations may be quite commonplace today and a given in business life however, they continue to present an extraordinary opportunity to distinguish yourself at the highest level of your skill set. Take time to practice and refine this key competency to communicate your message and execute fabulously.
One need not engage in theatrics or rollout the red carpet to engage and allure your audience. Rather, focus on only a few, but very specific nuances - so subtle, even your audience may not be able to detect or even articulate precisely why you were so impressive and absorbing, only that you were.
An Overview of our Presentation Skills competency will be posted in three (3) individual PCI Newsletters and share nuances specific to PRE, DURING and POST Presentation. This is the first of our Presentation Skills series e.g. PRE.
PRE
Remember, your goal is to connect with each audience and each audience is different. Therefore, each presentation is delivered differently.
After endless hours of practice and countless renditions, the challenge every time is to deliver as if this were being said for the very first time ... yes, even after you have actually presented the program a thousand times before. This audience has not heard you, absorbed your message or experienced you! As Barbra Streisand sings, "... even when you get some recognition everything you do you still audition..." All of which is to say, you are only as good as your last performance!
Preparation is absolutely key. Icon Barbara Walters says Preparation is everything and prides herself in knowing more about her interviewee than they know about themselves! When you are confident in your subject matter you are emotionally available to focus entirely on your audience. Use your freed-up sensors to gage the room temperature, so to speak... and measure your reception levels to know that you are truly connecting.
Given that 55% of your presentation ... to the world (!) is visual, according to UCLA's Albert Mehrabian, (Ref. The Mehrabian Rule) what you wear presents a colossal opportunity to distinguish yourself from "go!" Let your attire set the tone and speak volumes about you before you utter one word. Dress a notch above (your audience) reflecting the genre of your profession, always with your audience in mind.
Obtain a list of attendees in advance for two important reasons: 1.) to review names and conduct further (individual and company) research. You will use this information in future communication to advance connections and 2.) practice pronouncing names ... so that when you meet and personally greet guests you say their perfectly pronounced name - flawlessly. Doing so makes others feel acknowledged and truly valued. This also implies that you likewise take time and make the effort to diligently prepare in other business matters. This singular gesture quietly resonates and the critical trust factor is ignited.
Arrive early to participate in room preparation to include: placement of flip charts and audio-visual equipment as well as lighting, air-conditioning and microphone checks, etc.. This, so that when you walk up to the podium you are not only mentally prepared, but confident knowing that your room is similarly practiced and duly equipped.
*Remember: the perception of failed mechanics = a failed presentation!
Top Tips
- Pre-arrange a moment with your introducer to shake hands during the "hand-off." have ample support material and handouts available; bring extra bios, just in case.
- graciously decline offers of soda (gives you gurgles) and coffee (coffee breath!)
- ask for a glass of water. You are not a plastic water bottle or a Styrofoam cup presenter - there is a difference. A glass quietly congeals your manner and tenor.
- drink: away from your audience and turn away from the microphone to avoid disconcerting gulping and guzzling sounds. Avoid the "death grip!" ...hold the glass with your first three fingers toward the bowl of the glass.
- identify the clock in the room.
- remove your watch (Ref. George H.W. Bush! Story!)
Position yourself at the door to personally meet, greet and welcome each seminar participant. Shake hands and use practiced names. Stand in the back of the room, observe and feel the room's energy as introductory remarks are made and your bio is read. At your cue - walk briskly, enthusiastically and purposely onto the stage and now: shake hands with your introducer. Shaking hands solidifies the tone for your professional presentation.
Studies show the first 60 to 180 seconds is dominated by the visual aspect. If you begin immediately please know that your audience is not especially listening yet, as they are still in high visual mode. Pause. Let them view you! ... remembering now why what you wear is influential as the weight of your visual message is substantial. While you pause and they assess ... you focus on inhaling and absorbing the room's energy. Prepare to adapt.
Story
Secretary of State Colin Powell as an example, was the keynote at a large business gathering in Providence, Rhode Island, considered somewhat provincial. The Secretary dumbed down his speech, body language and even attire, as his suit jacket and tie both came off and I saw him roll-up his long sleeve white shirt. I understood that Secretary Powell did this at once, in order to better "relate" to his rather parochial audience.
Interviewing!
by Judith Bowman on 09/13/19
Book knowledge and technical skills aside, people hire people they like and trust. While it is important to "fit in" to a company's culture, know that what you bring is unique; accentuate your differences. As one of my trusted advisors in the Human Resource Industry has advised, "Be that person others want to know more!" and, as another senior television producer has shared, "if given the choice between the shiny apple and the dull apple, I'll take the shiny apple."
While many are great at our jobs we may be positively dreadful at the interview. Here are some guidelines to help you confidently navigate the interviewing process in our highly competitive hot global job market:
Preparation: Research the individual/company. Dress appropriately. Please know that Professional Attire is "never wrong." Un-encumber, leaving overcoats, etc. in the car. Everything about you speaks of quality... including pens.
Attitude: Walk through the doors as if you already work there, as if the person with whom you are interviewing is already your boss/manager.
Remember the 15 minute Rule: arriving "on time" means 15 minutes early (cell phones/pagers: off!) STAND in the reception area. Hold portfolios/briefcase in left hand, leaving right hand free to shake hands. Initiate the handshake (regardless of gender) and make eye-contact. Ask before assuming first names. Allow them to lead (they know the way!) Decline offers of hospitality (avoiding crumbs and worse - coffee breath!)
Seating: They are seated first. Choose the least comfortable chair. Remember to select the chair angular verses across from interviewer (eliminating the desk/barrier.) Hands belong on the table (you are "above board.")
*Body Language including sitting, gesturing, fidgeting, gazing about, etc. are all noticed/judged.
Pearls:
- Exchange cards (use "calling cards")
- Bring extra resumes
- Ask before taking notes
- Take personal notes to use in subsequent communication
Be prepared to tell your 'story' including choices you made, why you made them and how they have led to the next level which has brought you here today.
References - ensure they are willing to speak well on your behalf!
Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn - ensure that you have nothing out there about which you would not want a perspective employer to know or view.
Leadership - Even with administrative positions, interviewers want to know if you would be that person others look to in stressful/unusual conditions.
Compensation: Wait for the interviewer to initiate this topic.
Accomplishments - discuss in a non-boasting way i.e. "I was fortunate for the opportunity to..."
Interview the interviewer, as well.
If you want the job, ask for it.
Thank you notes: send an email thank you (after you have determined they are e-culture) and a personal thank you note the same day. The longer you wait the less impact the gesture holds. Use personalized stationery, blue ink and a postage stamp.
Above all, be yourself. Project a positive attitude and you will attract positive attention, reaction and results, whether you want the job or, not!
Motivation!
by Judith Bowman on 08/29/19
Our research shows that the topic of "Motivation" from a previous newsletter received the highest "open" rate e.g. just under 40% while the average open rate is 2%. And thanks to you, valued PCI clients and friends, we are pleased to say that our average newsletter open rate is approximately 20%. I would like to share the gist of our most highly read message which we hope will continue to inspire and resonate:
Question: What do you believe is the single biggest motivator of people in business? ... money, trips, cars, raises, promotions/job titles?
While these can be helpful, the fact is, the single most meaningful form of motivation is being acknowledged and feeling appreciated for our work as valuable. While this element is also a basic human need surveys show the workforce is typically the last place we encounter even a simple "thank you."
Most of us spend more time at work with co-workers than our own family and good friends and yet, work colleagues are typically the last people we tend to recognize.
Interestingly, in High Context cultures such as China and Japan, the word "thank you" (shi shi) is never said enough! Not surprisingly, when people are acknowledged for their good work and thanked for contributions they are found to be 50% more effective the world over!
Simply saying "thank you" triggers the happy hormone dopamine which stimulates the brain and tells the brain you are happy, motivating you to do more and experience greater happiness - while at the same time, making others more likely to help again in the future as you are quietly ingratiating yourself to them.
For example, when we thank someone for their time now, they are more likely to be generous with their time, later. Further, being generous with our time makes us feel like we actually have more time. When we give of ourselves, give our time and do for others, this makes us feel pretty great, as well. People who give their 'time' feel more useful, capable, confident and effective which enhances their own productivity. Here are a few gentle suggestions to consider:
- Offer your help.
- Extend a compliment.
- Offer unexpected praise.
- Give someone a smile.
- Give a gift of appreciation for no particular reason at all.
- Acknowledge others privately.
- Publicity recognize others who helped you get to a pivotal moment.
- Thank those behind the scenes and show them their work is seen.
- Write a thank you note.
Personal relationships are intrinsic to business, community and family bonds. The individuals we encounter every day are not there by chance. These people are there to help us weather our storms, sharpen and shape us. I can tell you that my greatest growth has come from challenging times and those people who have linked arms with me and held me accountable. We are better together and meant to work together, respect each other and treat each other with appreciation, dignity, caring and kindness.
Everyone falls, and when we do, others are there to help us stand. To lead a successful life, we need to realize those people who are important and those with whom we feel are worth developing strong relationships. Make special note of those who are smarter, more accomplished, ... more positive! Always play Up in life and strive to develop strong relationships and form a community. It's as much about what you give as what you receive.
Reach out of the 'self' zone and consciously acknowledge and encourage others daily. In so doing, you yourself become encouraged. Studies show we are our happiest - not when we get a gift or go on vacation, however, our emotional happiness is tied in to when we are helpful. Being helpful gives us the greatest sense of happiness. In fact, they call it, "Helpful High," a euphoric feeling. Look around and you will see people with whom you want to invest and be a part of your life. We can all help sharpen and shape each other.
There is a wonderful story about the redwood tree in California. These trees grow up to 350 feet. What is interesting is their roots are very shallow, only about five and one half (5 ½) feet underground. One would think that with their extraordinary height they would require extremely deep roots. Interestingly, the redwood tree's roots do not grow deep, they find the other trees' roots and begin to intermingle their roots and in so doing, find nutrition with one another, as their roots are so intermingled, they hold each other up. In fact, a tree in the middle of all those trees can die of old age and still stand for hundreds of years because it is so intermingled with the other trees. Finding strength from being interwoven with the other trees and their roots, blowing winds, torrential rains and severe drought will never threaten their stability.
If we could be as united in our lives as the redwood trees, I believe we could withstand and weather any storm or drought because we are not only helping hold one another up, we are giving nourishment and strength to one another.
Consider who you are invested in, with whom you are standing and to whom you are giving precious time. When you reach out to others and commingle your roots, you give others your most precious commodities - the gift of appreciation, time, energy, strength - and you make a difference.
When you entwine your life with someone else and you invest in them, I believe that's when you will stand strong, get 'high' and will be able to withstand the storms of this life.
How Business Attire Builds -or Breaks- Your Brand
by Judith Bowman on 07/15/19
Attire is a critical tool in business and in building your personal brand. The way you dress reflects how you feel about yourself, your life and your future. Dress to feel good about yourself and show respect for others around you. Dressing well is indicative of how you feel, how you project, how you are perceived and received; lead by example.
Professional business attire is not a nod to the latest fashion craze or a personal taste variable. Rather, professional business attire is very specific - for men and women and, foundational (pun intended.)
Socially, we dress according to how we feel that day. Professionally, we dress according to whom we plan to meet.
It is understandable that many are confused, even overwhelmed by the myriad of fashion choices and styling considerations when dressing for work. Retail stores are in business to sell the latest fashion craze and lawyers, doctors and professionals on television are actors donning enticing fashion forward attire to attract market share. You may be versatile and fashion forward with a flair for the latest trends and colors socially however, correct professional attire in business is very precise, which greatly limits confusion and makes dressing professionally the "easy A."
Women may have more room for error but a more natural advantage by virtue of the fact that they are women. "In a room of gentlemen," Karen Kaplan, CEO, Hill Holiday says, "who do you think they are going to remember, the 10th guy in the gray suit or the one woman?" Being a woman (in business) is an advantage, not a disadvantage. "In a room full of gentlemen, its easy to stand apart. Embrace what makes us different, ladies."
Quality and conservative are the rule governing professional business attire the world over. Think: Investment dressing and "Never Wrong." Colors, fragrances and accessories, critical elements of professional attire, are integral to your overall first impression and complete your professional statement. Remember, your goal in business is to establish a connection.
You want others to regard you as the quintessential professional in your field; dress the part.
The Primary Business colors - for men and women continue to be navy blue, black, charcoal gray and pinstripe in any color variation. Brown is considered taboo in business. Save your brown and eggplant suits for social affairs or to wear after you have the relationship, if at all.
Most importantly, understand what styles best flatter and complement your body type. If in doubt, enlist the assistance of a professional image consultant or personal shopper found in virtually all stores today. A proper fit is essential.Know a good tailor.
Shirts and Tops
Neutrals are best. Your top - shirt, blouse or sweater should not be too bulky or form-fitting. A crew neckline is "never wrong" and eliminates (flapping) shirt collar phobia. Sheer lace, excessive ruffles, bare backs and cleavage are taboo. Toss anything even remotely worn looking.
Neutrals are best. Your top - shirt, blouse or sweater should not be too bulky or form-fitting. A crew neckline is "never wrong" and eliminates (flapping) shirt collar phobia. Sheer lace, excessive ruffles, bare backs and cleavage are taboo. Toss anything even remotely worn looking.
Pants
The timeless traditional business suit e.g. skirt/dress is "never wrong" the world over especially in High Context Cultures such as Japan. If you feel you look better and therefore perform better in pants, the pant suit is widely acceptable for women in business today. If you elect to wear pants, a pant suit (rather than slacks and a jacket) is the best choice. The blazer look is considered more casual. Remember to button your jacket leaving the bottom open to vent.
The timeless traditional business suit e.g. skirt/dress is "never wrong" the world over especially in High Context Cultures such as Japan. If you feel you look better and therefore perform better in pants, the pant suit is widely acceptable for women in business today. If you elect to wear pants, a pant suit (rather than slacks and a jacket) is the best choice. The blazer look is considered more casual. Remember to button your jacket leaving the bottom open to vent.
Hosiery
Wearing hosiery is being "finished" and presents a polished look.Even when the temperature is 110 degrees, hosiery is appropriate for professional women in business. Choosing the right color is important. In warm summer months choose neutral shades or beige; white hosiery is reserved for nurses and is considered taboo in business.In transitional months, opt for tan. Other than neutrals, tans and beige, black opaque in cooler months is appropriate.The most common faux paswith respect to women's attire in business is wearing sheer black hosiery during the day. "Sheer" black hosiery is the formal, the most elegant and reserved for evening and formal events.
Wearing hosiery is being "finished" and presents a polished look.Even when the temperature is 110 degrees, hosiery is appropriate for professional women in business. Choosing the right color is important. In warm summer months choose neutral shades or beige; white hosiery is reserved for nurses and is considered taboo in business.In transitional months, opt for tan. Other than neutrals, tans and beige, black opaque in cooler months is appropriate.The most common faux paswith respect to women's attire in business is wearing sheer black hosiery during the day. "Sheer" black hosiery is the formal, the most elegant and reserved for evening and formal events.
Shoes
Shoes should be classic ... comfortable (!)polished, professional. The classic pump is "never wrong." Suede is considered a notch above leather and no more expensive; spectators are fabulous. Shoe taboos in business: no sling backs, open toes, stilettos or flats (except with pants); the ballet flat is acceptable for a more casual look. Sandals do not make a professional statement, no matter how you wear them. Rule: shoes should be darker than your hemline.
Shoes should be classic ... comfortable (!)polished, professional. The classic pump is "never wrong." Suede is considered a notch above leather and no more expensive; spectators are fabulous. Shoe taboos in business: no sling backs, open toes, stilettos or flats (except with pants); the ballet flat is acceptable for a more casual look. Sandals do not make a professional statement, no matter how you wear them. Rule: shoes should be darker than your hemline.
Boots
Remove boots before going into any business meeting/networking function or social event.
Remove boots before going into any business meeting/networking function or social event.
Jewelry, Fragrances,Accessories
Jewelry is an appropriate wardrobe complement that also makes a personal statement and can be a great conversation launch, which also speaks professionally to your eye to detail. The working rule is: Less is more. When in doubt, do without. Gold and pearls are still considered the most classic choices. If silver flatters your skin tone or matches your i.e. eyeglass frames or other aspects of your attire, silver would be an acceptable choice. Nothing that dings, dangles or distracts should be worn i.e. earrings, bangles or charm bracelets, etc.. While these are wonderful accessories socially, they will detract from your professional message.
Jewelry is an appropriate wardrobe complement that also makes a personal statement and can be a great conversation launch, which also speaks professionally to your eye to detail. The working rule is: Less is more. When in doubt, do without. Gold and pearls are still considered the most classic choices. If silver flatters your skin tone or matches your i.e. eyeglass frames or other aspects of your attire, silver would be an acceptable choice. Nothing that dings, dangles or distracts should be worn i.e. earrings, bangles or charm bracelets, etc.. While these are wonderful accessories socially, they will detract from your professional message.
The Scarf
A classic scarf is a timeless accessory, often a conversation launch and speaks again to your eye for detail.
A classic scarf is a timeless accessory, often a conversation launch and speaks again to your eye for detail.
Purses
Invest in a small (black) classic understated purse that you can wear over your shoulder at any business meeting, interview or networking event and forget about vs. a large bulky fashionable purse.
Invest in a small (black) classic understated purse that you can wear over your shoulder at any business meeting, interview or networking event and forget about vs. a large bulky fashionable purse.
Coats
Opt for professional colors and classic styles. Ski parkas and other sporty coats are fine for the slopes and weekends however, they will not enhance your professional image. Dark colors, a khaki beige or green conveys the appropriate level of professionalism. Rule: the length of your coat should be longer than your hemline - for women and for men. Mid-calf length is more professional than above the knee. If your coat is worn, or frayed, replace it. If it is ill-fitting, have this tailored to fit well. Make sure to maintain and dry clean regularly. The coat you wear will be visible to your clients (reception/office area) and however subliminally evaluated. Consider your overcoat, as you consider the rest of your attire.
Opt for professional colors and classic styles. Ski parkas and other sporty coats are fine for the slopes and weekends however, they will not enhance your professional image. Dark colors, a khaki beige or green conveys the appropriate level of professionalism. Rule: the length of your coat should be longer than your hemline - for women and for men. Mid-calf length is more professional than above the knee. If your coat is worn, or frayed, replace it. If it is ill-fitting, have this tailored to fit well. Make sure to maintain and dry clean regularly. The coat you wear will be visible to your clients (reception/office area) and however subliminally evaluated. Consider your overcoat, as you consider the rest of your attire.
Touching and Personal Space
by Judith Bowman on 06/30/19
We thank Joe Biden for heightening awareness of personal space issues today and the importance of respecting unspoken boundaries of personal space. The larger issue is perhaps a generational one as some men of previous generations today fall short and have not evolved which the "me too" movement has helped advance. Although I am sure Joe Biden means no disrespect, a 70-year old man should know the difference between basic appropriate versus inappropriate behavior. Touching, feeling, caressing, rubbing noses, massaging shoulders ... kissing a five year old child on her lips and smelling women's hair is not appropriate. We should all be aware of personal space issues and clued into reading silent signals and body language of others.
Personal space is that undeclared area around us which gives us our comfort zone. Comfort zones change from country to country, culture to culture and even person to person. There are also different office cultures which vary. For example, a Silicon Valley start-up might foster lighthearted casual physical contact versus a more professional setting i.e. a conservative financial services or investment firm. Many workplaces today are being designed to be more aesthetically relaxed with open work spaces, big kitchen areas, warm colors and even free food which, in addition to encouraging "team spirit" is also more conducive to physical contact, high fives and hugging with which many are uncomfortable. Just because an office has no borders does not suggest there are none.
Generally speaking, we here in the U.S. prefer approximately one arm's length distance for our comfort zone, while those in England prefer more like two arms-length of distance. In England, royalty is not permitted to touch and PDA's even among the closest of married couples are frowned upon. It is interesting to note that Ronald and Nancy Reagan were renowned for holding hands which was unusual for the President of the United States (our royalty) to be publicly affectionate. The beauty in knowing the rules is knowing when it is okay to break them! In Asia, i.e. China and Japan prefer more like three arm's length of distance for their comfort zone. Touching is to be avoided at all costs while those in Latin and Arab countries prefer more like three inches for their comfort zone! American business women: please be alerted to this important cultural distinction and do not take offense. This is simply their way. Interestingly Latin women are recognized for dressing in ways we consider to be provocative i.e. short tight skirts, plunging necklines, bright colors and stiletto heels which might not necessarily discourage such behavior with Latin men.
Before we assume a familiarity that does not exist and is not mutual, when it comes to the initial greeting, if you are a kisser, hugger, touchy feeling person and go in for the kiss the hug, the embrace: read the other person's body language to know if they are encouraging or deferring the overture. Assuming others welcome your touch, hug, kiss, caress is misplaced.
Intimacy is so termed for a reason. Being intimate suggests a co-relationship. If the emotion is one-sided, then it is not a true relationship. The word "Relationship" itself implies "relating" to one another and not a one-sided singular existence.
All the rules of etiquette and protocol are in place to make others feel comfortable to eliminate the most remote possibility of an awkward moment and to make co-existing with family friends neighbors and perfect strangers easier not more disagreeable or uncomfortable. You need to 'earn the right' to cross the line. Discipline yourself to be sensitive and acutely aware of silent signals and body language at the start.
How to avoid the unwanted intimacy:
Take Control:
- extend a rigid arm/handshake to maintain "arms' length" distance.
- say, "I'm not really a touchy, feeling person."
- insert a physical barrier - a desk or portfolio until the moment passes.
- humor is another deflector.
- make meaningful eye-contact and speak with your eyes.
- say, "you are making me uncomfortable."
When to go with it:
- after a big project completion
- major life announcement/event (engagement/wedding) or a personal loss
- huge sale
How to engage:
- ask, 'may I give you a hug?"
Don't:
- close your eye
- whisper (while hugging)... just ask Joe Biden how breaking that rule went!
- hug peers every day; make it special
- hug in a way you would feel uncomfortable with your spouse standing next to you
- hug from behind
- hug in the restroom
- sniff another person
Inappropriate behavior happens. Remember, it is how you handle the situation - what you do and say and how you say and do it that is key. Don't be the office Joe Biden. Too much touching can land you in the human resources office... or destroy future life opportunities (!) faster than you can say, "give me a hug."
Civility in 2019
by Judith Bowman on 02/20/19
Moving boldly and swiftly into another year of our Millennium, who would have dreamt that the enormous challenges our country would confront - in addition to man-made and natural disasters and imminent global dangers - would include a threat to the very core of our culture: civility.
Road rage, bullying ... politics and polarization are real and rampant. Disrespecting another person's opinion and shouting them down because they don't agree is downright rude.
It is easy to be rude and hurtful hiding behind your key board or the wheel of your car blasting your horn uttering profanities. It is also cowardly. Being kind requires forethought and effort. Acknowledging others, listening and understanding are skills requiring élan, sensitivity and finesse. When we acknowledge others, show thoughtfulness or extend a gesture of kindness, however small, this serves as a stimulant (for them) and a lubricant (for us) as the "happy hormone" dopamine is released. Ergo: doing good (for others) also makes us feel good ... and it does not take much to make another person smile - - a kind word, a fleeting glance ! ... will lift another's spirits, change their outlook and maybe make a difference in another person's entire day.
We live in an uncertain world where multitasking and fleeting communication are the rule which places unprecedented pressures on individuals and professionals at all levels. Ironically, despite the most amazing high technological advances designed to connect us, we have never been more disconnected. "Virtual reality" is not real. Electronic devices are tools in place to support our thoughts and actions not define them. The fact is people do not know how to effectively communicate today and, in our unquenchable need to be connected, bedazzled, exceed barriers and limits and experience unprecedented thrills and speed, people are missing out on getting a fundamental human need: to be acknowledged. The intentional practice of acknowledging others through interpersonal communication and being "fully present" is rare and worse, has become a lost art.
There is a better version of ourselves within each of us. Coming face-to-face with another person enables a direct understanding that people are capable of a deeper connection. When others experience our presence, feel our sincerity, positive energy and caring, they feel acknowledged and trust that we truly value them.
Why not look up from your screen, hold a door, smile at a random person, give an unexpected compliment, make random conversation with a perfect stranger. Being considerate and respectful toward others is a distinctive trait and one reflective of our best selves ... and it's contagious! Change starts with small steps and has a ripple effect... to change the world.
They say, "when a dove flaps its wings in China, the wind currents shift for thousands of miles across mountains and seas," which is just a poetic way of saying that everything we do has a ripple effect and that we are all inter-connected.
We here in America have felt the ripple effects and have a responsibility to fiercely guard and protect our free society, and look out for each other, and future generations. This begins with showing respect - and listening - - even though we may not agree - with our parents, our elders, our president; agree to respectfully disagree.
World peace begins at home and finding peace and acceptance within ourselves, our own families, friends, and in our work environment is incumbent upon us. The New Year evokes reflection, resolution and attention to the imminent threat that compromises the core of our culture: rampant incivility.
We have devolved as a society from the celebrated gatherer/hunter/"community" ethos into a less kind, less respectful even cruel society.
Q: Can we teach kindness, respect, character?
Q: Can we evolve back into being a kinder, gentler, more compassionate society?
Q: Can we evolve back into being a kinder, gentler, more compassionate society?
Yes. Everything in life is cyclical. We can condition the brain to practice kind as part of the brain is empathy and compassion. Kindness is synonymous with character and we can intentionally work to change our behavior and consciously extend the intentional practice of kindness.
Our nation was built on principles where a promise with a handshake or one's word was good enough. Let's consider a return to some basics which are easily attainable yet, need to be practiced every day in order to become part of you and your authentic self. Start by being a better friend, partner, neighbor, co-worker and endeavor to comport yourself as your "best self."
- Acknowledge others
- dress appropriately
- give them your full attention
- listen
- be "fully present"
- endeavor to understand
- sympathize
... do the unexpected.
Things like thank you notes and host responsibilities seem so insignificant in the big picture, yet, ironically, the world is still all about respect, consideration and appreciation of each other in our daily lives. The New Year evokes reflection, resolution and attention to the core of our humanity.
We all conduct ourselves in relationships with others however, the most important relationship is the one we have with ourselves. There is a better version of ourselves in each of us. I have seen first-hand how our behavior directly affects others within organizations at every turn for the past 25 years.
In Conclusion
While the world of etiquette and protocol are all about boundaries, in today's world, boundaries and promises once taken for granted, have been broken. Going forward, we realize, we can take nothing for granted.
Entering yet another New Year imminently filled with challenge, our promise and commitment to help make this world better for ourselves and our local and cross-cultural neighbors has only been reinforced and re- energized. Remember, everything we do has a ripple effect and we are all inter-connected. We can't take anyone or anything for granted, especially each other.
Charlie Baker says BE NICE!
by Judith Bowman on 11/15/18
Saturday, November 17th is the 3rd Annual Massachusetts Day of Civility. A day when everyone, every family, and every company is encouraged to perform a random act of KINDNESS.
To get energized and to learn more:
The Value of your Referral Network
by Judith Bowman on 11/07/18
Question: How do you get the (impossible) meeting with the much-sought-after potential new client?
A: Work through the mutually respected third party to secure an introduction.
In fact, the only way to get the much sought-after meeting with the highly prized person the world over is through someone you (both) know. And, how do you most effectively expand your repertoire of contacts? ... other than via the social network?
Answer: through Networking!
Networking is: the single most effective means of reaching the greatest number of qualified individuals within the shortest amount of time while providing you the opportunity to write the most business.
Although central to your mission, thus far, your connector merely enables passage. Your journey - and the real work now begins to portray yourself as "meeting-worthy" and actually get the much-coveted face-to-face meeting.
Work the Connection
Once you have identified the "mutually respected third party," work your connection.
- Ask your connector if you may use their name; never assume you may.
- Ask honestly if they are willing to speak well on your behalf.*
* Never assume that because you know them or happen to have met their acquaintance
that the connector will speak well of you.
that the connector will speak well of you.
- Ask the connector if you may keep them apprised of your progress. If so, copy your connector in initial correspondence, referencing their name in the body of your email/letter.
Once on the Telephone with Your Target/Connection
The way you conduct yourself on this initial call is critical. It matters not who you know or how you got through to Ms. X now because unless you project well on the telephone you will not advance.
Initial Overtures via Telephone
- Research your target.
- Customize your "tagline" and practice in advance to confidently articulate.
- Ask pre-planned probing questions specific to their needs.*
*Remember, the number one rule in sales: Identify the client need and fulfill that need!
AVOID: colloquialisms and slang; close the "-ing's."
Top Telephone Tips:
- Stand when you speak.
- Use a mirror and pretend your reflection is the other person.
- Smile; project energy! A smile is "heard;" positive energy is contagious.
MORE...
- Ask if you may send them your (company) information.
Should i.e. a proposal or anything customized or additional be requested:
Ask, "By WHEN would you like to receive this?" and honor the time specified.
Telephone Skills and Techniques
by Judith Bowman on 04/06/18
Many are challenged - even intimidated, when it comes to effectively using this inanimate object. Like most things challenging in life, the telephone has its own skill sets and rules governing proper and efficient usage. And, as with anything, the more you practice, the better you hone your telephone skills and techniques. Being telephone savvy is an area of expertise and productivity into which the savvy sales professional knows how to dial into (pun intended) and tap.
The telephone is the only thing which stands between yet, has the potential to quickly connect you and your customer. Focus on your message and delivery each time you pick up the telephone; preparation is key. Remember, the way you speak is 85% of your message!
